It’s been said that I’m a sass machine. I’m not gonna debate that point: I’m a machine, and I dispense sass. My sass is legendary throughout the community, and people know they can come to me when they want some no-sugar-coating real talk. In fact, I’m even developing an actual machine version of me, so folks all around the world can benefit from my sassy wisdom.

That’s what happens when you mix sass with intelligence, technical know-how and an app design course. Melbourne ain’t gonna know what hit it once I release this app to the public. See, it’s based around my speech patterns. For our final assessment, we had to think up an app from scratch that didn’t yet exist and programme it ourselves. Naturally, I turned it into an a-SASS-ment and made a sass app that I titled ‘The Sass App’, because I’m nothing if not straight to the point.

It works by the user inputting a response. This response is run through a complex algorithm that took me weeks to perfect, which gives the user the perfect sassy response. You can either ask for advice, after which it’ll give it to you in the most hard-hitting (and honest) way possible, or there’s an option where you can feed in a message someone else has sent you and it’ll give you the perfect witty response. Nobody in an app development course has ever come up with something like this.

Oh, and it gets better. There’s an auto-sass option that can reply to all your texts in a super-sassy fashion. You can set it to just respond to certain people, such as sales callers and people you don’t like, and you’ll never need to worry about talking to them again. Some people just can’t handle the sass. But it got me full marks in my app design course, so I think that means that the world might be ready.

Ready for the sass.