Come to Jandakot, We Have Play Centres!

Being appointed head of tourism for a sleepy hamlet. Not really how I thought my evening was going to go, but my motto is always making the best of things. Best get stuck in! I’ve been going along to Jandakot council meetings for a few months now. It’s so quiet here, there’s not usually much […]

Me, My Air Conditioner, and Dave

It’s that time again. It’s that time of year when I can’t help but look at my pasty white skin in the mirror and ask why. Looking at this map of the world and the skin colours that occur in different regions, I seriously question the logic of colonialism. I am the whitest person I […]

The Net Fiend’s Last Job…

Argh, foiled in my humanitarian plot! I would’ve gotten away with it too, if it hadn’t been for that meddling amateur detective and his inexplicable canine companion! I did what I did for the best reasons. I have nothing against tennis, elderly people, sports netting or Keymore’s sporting scene in general. I stole those nets […]

Professional eavesdropping

Okay, I’ll admit it, I’m a chronic eavesdropper. I know it’s probably a massive invasion of people’s privacy, but I can’t help it. I just like to listen, and, I’m going to be honest here, to gossip. I am an enormous gossip. It’s kind of like a curse, really, and most of the time it […]

Mystery in the garden

Standing there watching the team tear up this family’s garden and throw it into the back of their truck was heartbreaking. I was visiting a potential investment property which had recently gone on the market. I had been renting for some time but had finally saved up enough buy a house. It was eerie to […]

Life On a Houseboat

Sometimes I wish I lived on a houseboat. Most of the time, that’s because some idiot is blaring his music downstairs at 2am and I want to put my foot through his roof in an effort to let him know how inconsiderate that is. It’s really inconsiderate, in case you were wondering. With a houseboat, […]

Videography, for My Own Harmony

I just got back from possibly the worst self-help seminar in the history of forever. It was supposed to help us deal with our severe anger issues by teaching self-acceptance, but all it really achieved was making me want to punch the speaker right in his stupid flat nose. ‘Describe yourself in five positive words!’ […]

Same age, same income

It’s strange what different directions two similar people can go in. Like, you can think you have everything in common and that you’re going in completely the same direction in life and everything and then all of a sudden you come to a crossroads, and one of you goes left and the other goes right. […]

My Quiet, Stylish Neighbours

It’s true, you don’t see many Buddhist temples that look exactly like a large, classy, eastern-suburbs home. Maybe that’s a good thing. They actually call themselves Zennists, and I can’t really speak out against them because they’re just the quietest of neighbours. I never hear a single thing from them about anything, really. So long […]

Encouragements for the Klutzes

The way I see it, when people say they’re ‘uncoordinated’, they don’t mean anything other than the super basic stuff. Like, they can’t do a cartwheel. They fell over that one time and now they call themselves the clown of their friendship ground because they’re just SO wacky. It’s not a real lack of coordination, […]